The Magician's Assistant

“Do I have to wear it?” 

“It is part of the act. While they are looking at you, they are not noticing my sleight of hand!” 

“It is hot and restrictive. And I am getting through umpteen pairs of tights in the process!” 

“Yes, but you get some more! I am sure the men only come to watch your figure!” 

“You wear it then if you like it that much!” 

“Don’t be silly, it was made to measure for you!” 

“Why can’t I wear a cocktail or evening dress like the other escape artists assistants wear?” 

“Because I can tie you up better and make it look as if you cannot escape. Even when you are bound in the chains, you look better than all the other assistants put together!” 

“Well, I will not wear it any more. I do not like it! I look like Wonder Woman in the thing!” 

“And very nice she looks too! You forget that a cocktail dress or evening dress might get in the way and stop you from unlocking the false links in the chain!” 

“I suppose so, but why is it always me that has to be chained up and escape while you take all the applause?” 

“I have to climb in and put the chains on very quickly!” 

“No you don’t. That is Sid, your stand in. he climbs out wearing your mask. The lid goes up of the box and you step out of the chains while Sid is still in the box in chains. He should get more applause for putting up with you!”

“Anyway, we have no more shows for a week. I am off to the magicians’ inner sanctum to learn more tricks tonight!” He left her standing there holding the costume. It was like a severe swimming costume.

She went about her business of tidying the house, but when he came by her, she could smell aftershave. “Why would he wear aftershave for a magicians’ convention? What is he up to?” He left the house and she started looking. She found that he had left his mobile behind and she looked through the text messages. There were lots from one number. She opened them up and they were love messages from someone. Now she was on the warpath. He came back and she put the mobile down. He came and picked it up. “I wondered if you were going to come back for it!” she told him.

Now he left the house again. This time she slipped at via the back door and crept around to the front. He was sitting in the car on the phone. But he switched the phone off and drove off. She jumped into her car and followed him from a safe distance.

Eventually his car swung into the grounds of a large manor house that had been turned into a hotel. He got out of the car and went into the building. She stopped her car and crept up to the window. He was kissing a strange girl she had never seen before. Now she knew. He was having an affair!

She drove home in tears. But he could not leave her as in a week’s time they had some television shows to do, and they paid good money. She stopped the car and went in the house.

Finding her way into his office, she searched for anything to let her know who the girl was. There was nothing in the drawers of the desk he sat at.  But she knocked a pen on the floor. She got down to retrieve it, but it had rolled under the desk. She went right under the desk and saw an envelope taped to the underside of the drawers. She pulled the envelope off.

It contained two tickets for a flight to Hawaii. One in his name and one in the girls name. He was going to chuck her. She would get even for this betrayal.  There was also some details of a house he had bought in New Zealand. It was bought in the girls name. He obviously did not want her to find him.

All week she kept asking him if she could chain him up for a change. He refused every time. “It would make a change, especially if I get it wrong! People would not be ready for that. I would be the dumb blonde who got it wrong again. You could then prove yourself by escaping from the captivity of the box, even though I had mucked it up!”

“Sounds feasible I suppose. It might be worth a try!” For the rest of the week she kept practicing with him and she “deliberately” got it wrong and he would show her up when he escaped.

He finally agreed to do it. So with one day to spare, she went shopping. Four pairs of cheap handcuffs. They looked exactly like the ones he used except they obviously had not been doctored so he could flick them open. Two pairs of leg irons for fastening his knees together. “Perfect. Just what I need!” Two pairs of ankle cuffs. They were by the same people who made his ankle cuffs. Everything was exactly identical. “20 yards of heavy duty chain, and a dozen of those brass padlocks!” 

“You are into bondage in a big way!” 

“Bigger than you think! You will see tomorrow on the television!” Everything she had bought matched the items they used for the show. Now she had to get busy adapting the bag he would be tied up in. The escape hole was sewn up using fishing line. She was going to make sure he did not escape. To make sure she got it right, she screwed up the revolving panel at the back of the box. But she did not block the airholes at the back of the box.

She called in at a hardware shop and bought some epoxy resin glue. At the studio 3 hours before it was their turn to go on she mixed the two tubes up and shoved the glue into the keyholes of the handcuffs, leg irons and ankle cuffs, as well as the padlocks she had bought.

The show started and the television cameras were on. They were about 3rd in the show, so she had time to make all the arrangements. She noticed his new girlfriend was sitting in the front row. “Just right, I shall call for a volunteer. I wonder who I should pick?” she thought.

They were on. “Tonight ladies and gentlemen, we are going to show you something different. My wife has been moaning that she never gets to chain me up. So I have decided to let her do it for this once only. Mind you, do not expect miracles. She is just another stupid dumb blonde!” The crowd laughed.

She put the gag into his mouth and fastened it. This was the only bit that was real without any adaptation for escaping. He could not talk. He stepped into the box and the bag. She asked for the girl to come forward. She tested the handcuffs. They were real. She fastened one pair on his wrists with the locks facing his elbows. The dumb blonde assistant took another pair and locked them with the locks facing the other locks on the first pair. He was wondering what she was up to. The ankle cuffs and the leg irons were put on. Both of these were done by his new girlfriend.

She tested the handcuffs. They were secure. “Now to make this escape as dramatic as possible, would you mind if someone from the audience ties you up!” She didn’t want that but the audience egged her on and she relented. A girl stepped up and put the handcuffs on her wrists behind his girlfriends back. Then she tied her legs together with some rope they usually used in their act. The girl was gagged as well. She was sat in the box.

Now she had some more work to do. Going to the table she picked up some cable ties. Armed with these she went back to the box and slid these in between the handcuffs and his wrists, pulled them tight forcing the two sets of handcuffs together. The locks were pulled face to face with no gap in between. She used 3 cable ties on each wrist, and now for good measure on the three links between the handcuffs, holding the chains together.

He tried to whisper “What are you up to?” But all that came out was “o r oo u to?” 

“Don’t worry folks; He will be out in three minutes once the box is locked”

She pushed his head down into the sack and got the girl to tie it up tight. She put more padlocks into the holes where the rope went through making it impossible to escape if the rope was cut. She whispered to the girl who was assisting her and said “Don’t worry. It is only an illusion. He will get out!”

 She pushed him down into the box and told the girl to sit down. She helped her to get comfortable. Now the girl who was assisting threaded the chain through the retaining brackets. She locked the locks built into the box, and added more padlocks to fix the chain all around the box. It went from underneath both sideways and forwards so it crossed in the middle of the box like a St. Georges cross. Now the final padlock was put into where it crossed.

“Right ladies and gentlemen, please give a big hand to our volunteer!” The audience roared their appreciation of what she had done, and she went and sat back in the audience. “I will stand onto the box and pull the outer sack up. I will be inside the box. The girl in there will be inside the sack and he will be here to release me!” Everybody clapped. The cameras were rolling on her as she pulled the sack up and held it above her head.

There was a drum roll and she dropped the bag. She was still on top of the box, but wearing a cocktail dress and holding her costume up. “That is funny. I have got it wrong again. This is not supposed to happen. Oh dear! That is what you get for being a dumb blonde again I suppose!”

The time went by. 3 minutes, 4 minutes and it was obvious nothing was going to happen. The box started to shake where the pair inside where trying to escape. The cameras were cut. “Let’s get them out of there”. 

“Oh no, put the box on the back of our truck and I will take them to our house and release them there. All our escape items are back at the house. I am just a stupid dumb blonde”

The box was loaded on the back of the truck and she drove to the security storage depot. She signed in and backed the truck up to the unloading bay. She managed to pull the box onto the trolley and wheeled it into the room she had leased.

“I have leased this security room for 10 years. No one will enter until the lease runs out. You two will be together for all time. Isn’t that sweet of me? Giving you two my blessing to spend the rest of your lives together! I have cleared out our bank and started a new account in New Zealand.  I am off on holiday now to Hawaii. Your career is in tatters, so no one will bother looking for you. But you will not have to worry about that in the state you are in. Goodbye!” She shut the door and locked it. All sound coming from the box was now inaudible.

She drove off and slung the keys to the locks and cuffs into the river. She was about to start a new life in New Zealand, but not until she had enjoyed her holiday in Hawaii .

02.07.06